Are you tired of arguing with others and not finding a resolution?
Do you find yourself quarreling over stupid things, like whose turn it is to take out the trash?
Have you ever “blown it” when trying to talk through a conflict?
If so, this blog is for you.
You can create a safe space to work through a conflict successfully with another person using just a few pointers.
First of all, make it “all about me.” And then keep it all about you.
Making “it all about me” means that I spend time exploring and naming the emotions I am feeling in our conflict.
(For a list of feelings, contact me here https://www.friendswoodfamilycounseling.com/contact-rochelle/ and I’ll email one over to you.) This list of emotions helps individuals to communicate clearly about feelings. When others hear words like, “disappointed”, “alone”, “abandoned” instead of “mad” or “sad”, they get a clearer picture of how you are feeling.
Next, schedule a good time to approach the conflict. (Early in the day, after eating a healthy meal, on a day when you’ve slept well, etc.)
Then start the conversation with a connecting or positive statement or two.
For instance, “I’m really glad we’ve known one another for so long and have great memories together. You mean a lot to me and I am thankful for you.”
Follow the positive statements by using this template to get started:
However, I was feeling _____________________ when ____________________. For instance, “I was feeling worried when you didn’t answer my phone call after we were fighting.”
Starting the conversation with the word “I” (making it all about me) helps the other person to relax and pay better attention.
If possible, try to end on a positive note, too. “Thanks for taking time to listen to how I’m feeling. I feel better now.”
CONFLICT RESOLUTION 101 SUMMARY
- Get clear about what you are feeling in this conflict.
- Make it “all about me”.
- Use the template to help keep you on track, moving toward the conflict.
- End with a positive statement.
- Practice. Practice. Practice.
Conflict is an opportunity for individuals to grow closer when it is talked through and resolved.